Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Plans Shot To Hell?

What do you do when you think you've been used? What goes through your head? Is it that feeling of your heart being crushed. Knowing that all your feelings were a lie? Knowing that all you have been fighting for has been thrown against the wall and shattered? What do you do? What do you do when you know you're going to be miserable for the next few months? You have your friends and family by your side. What happens when some people don't care and they throw a "told you so" in your face? You love this guy so much after everything you guys have been through, and now he decides to decrease contact with you? What do you think that means? Is there something happening? Should you be worried, should you be scared? Should you just shrug it off your shoulders and say whatever?
I think I've been used. A boy that I have loved for so long now has been shot to hell. He decides to cut contact. And I have no idea what to do. I feel crushed, I feel that all my feelings were a lie and all that. Long distance sucks, and when you fight for it, you fight. I think I have been fighting for too long and maybe it's time to let go. There's that part of me that's saying you shouldn't. Don't let go just yet, maybe he didn't use you. I don't know the true facts, but this is how I feel.  I hope to not be miserable. I don't deserve to be miserable. I deserve to be happy and enjoy life. There are parts of life that I do enjoy, but love; it's something that needs time and I don't know. I love him a lot, but I don't think he feels the same anymore. I'll add  to this later.

Monday, February 28, 2011

In 10 Years, Where Do You See Yourself?

   If you could picture yourself in 10 years, who would you be? Or who would you want to be? Have you ever thought what the world would be like? What the government would be like? Your community? What would you want in your life? Who would you want in your life? Would you want a family? I think about these questions a lot. I'm only 19 years old, but still. I still think about these things. If I could picture myself in ten years, I want to have a career at a Ford Dealership working with Mustangs. I want to be that woman that anyone could trust and love. I want to be a wife of a great husband and make him happy and make my kids happy. Ten years from now? 2021. I don't know what the world would be like. I don't want to know. If it's a no-war zone, then that will be good. But if we're still fighting in the Middle East, then no. Would I still be in Oly? How would Oly be in ten years? Who knows. That's the only answer. Who knows. I want a family, of course. Who wouldn't? I can picture myself with two adorable kids. A boy and a girl. I love kids, and I hope that when I do have a family, it will be a good one. We can only make the world great as we make it. If no one is happy, then our world, our community will not be happy. It would end up like a huge "Wal-Mart," because no one is happy there. We don't want our world like that. There are lots of things that I hide in my life. I'm happy because that's what I make my life out to be. I hope that my dreams come true in 10 years. Maybe not everything will, but some. I really hope to be successful. That's my main point, here. To be successful and happy in 10 years.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Sometimes I See What Others Don't

I am the type of person who cares for every single one of my friends. When I see them in trouble, I will help them out the best I can. It hurts to find that they might not see that, but I hope they do. I have been to the point in which I thought I was going to have no friends. I didn't know where go to. The only place I went was here. This Blog was my friend, and still is. I'm really glad some friends have came back to me, and I have seen change drastically. Really good change. I know everyone isn't perfect, and we all see different things, but from what I'm seeing, this is very good. I hope everything is going to be okay. Taking road trips helps me think. Even road trips with friends. This last road trip was so worth it. Each moment I spend with my best friends is worth it. No matter who you are. I want you all to know, that it means a lot to me that I have the greatest friends. No matter if there's drama, there will always be drama. You're either in it or you're watching it. I love you all!  

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Is There a Chance?

I have a feeling that something may happen in the next few months. Every time we talk, we talk like nothing ever happened. We talk like everything is okay. We talk like we have a future. I really hope something may happen. I can't wait to come down and see you again. I will wait. I will be patient for anything that's to happen. The world is such a huge place, and there's so much out there, who knows what could happen. With our futures coming up, I feel that there is a place for the both of us to be together again. I am a happy person right now. I have been happy. I'm staying happy. If something happens that's different, then I'll be okay with it. I can't wait until summer, it's going to be amazing =)

Friday, February 11, 2011

Dear Someone, Love Always, Anonymous

Dear someone,

Since you have been gone, I have been doing very well. I thought I was over you, but I'm not. I have tried so hard and nothing works. I've been on a few dates here and there, but those guys didn't meet my qualifications (ha ha)! But they don't compare to you. No body in this world compares to you. I would love to go down and see you again, but I don't know if it'd be weird or not. I miss you a lot. I just hope that in the future, we can see what happens. I hope. It's in my dreams. I hope to see you again. One of my biggest fears is not seeing you again.  I'm so glad you are still in my life and that you're still there for me. It means so much to me. I hope you are doing well down there and enjoying the everyday sun. I still love you. I will always love you.

Love Always,

Friday, February 4, 2011

Goodbye 18.

This is my last day being 18. 
This was a very good year for me, I learned quite a bit.
I got my first ticket, I graduated high school, and I moved out of my parents.
Now, I am a student at SPSCC and going for Automotive Technology. 
I also lost some friends and some of them came back for good. I really hope this year goes
good for me. One of my best friends just told me that being 19 is one of the best years of your life. I just came home from my dinner party and thought it was very worth it. I really appreciate my friends who came for me. Also, there is one friend who's going off to the Army. He has been there for me for a long time. And I'm glad to call him my friend. I hope the Army does good things for you, and you come home safely. I love you lots and there's people here who love you as well.
In two years from now, I will be 21. It's hard to believe. I remember when I was 6 years old just going into kindergarten. Time flies. I have to admit, for all that I have been through, I love my life as it stands. Tomorrow is going to be a great day and I can't wait to spend it with the best people in the world who made me who I am today. My parents. I love them so much. As I said in my last blog, if you haven't thanked your parents, you should do so. I'm looking forward to the future. Thank you 18 for being good for me. =) 

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Have You Ever Told Your Parents This?

A lot of us have the best parents in the world. Some of us don't. For me, my parents are the best people in the world. They teach you right from wrong, they are there for you, and they love you. No matter if you go out and do bad things, your parents may not like you, but they love you. My mom and dad have told me that. There were times where they didn't like me, but they still loved me. Have you ever told your parents that you appreciate them and for what they do for you? Have you ever thanked them? I appreciate everything they have done for me, whether it was buying groceries, grounding me (ha ha), and other things. I may have not told them lately, but I should. If you think about it, they have a Mother's Day and they also have a Father's Day. Why not combine the two holidays so it becomes Parent's Day? When I turned 18, I thought that I could do anything I pleased. I would leave and return when I felt like it. It didn't go through to my parents well, they did not like that. Reason being? It was because it was their house, their rules. I was trying to make my own rules, which did not work. I'm sure every 18 year  old goes through something like this. This is when you think that your parents are stupid and that they don't care. Well obviously they do. They've been 18 before, and they know things. It's not always about "having fun" it's about being responsible. That's what they teach you. I regret something. This is a huge regret for me. I wish I could bring everything back. I wished I spent more time with my parents last summer. I was never home. And with all the drama, if none of that ever happened, I would have spent more time with them. They don't know this, but I wish I didn't leave the house and came home around 1 am. Since I moved out, my relationship with my parents is so much better. They were right about everything. Being an adult is not about "having fun." It's about getting out there and being responsible. That finally got through to my head, and here I am, I'm done having fun, I'm in college and working. I'm being responsible. Because of who? Because of me, and because of my parents. They are not stupid, no matter what. They have been teenagers before and they do know what they're talking about. So, have you ever told your parents that you appreciate them? Maybe you should. To my parents, you are wonderful people, you have taught me right from wrong, and still teaching me! I love you guys so much. =)

Monday, January 24, 2011

One of the Best Apologies of My Life

My Sunday night went from blah to lazy to Whoa! In seconds! Here I was just sitting on my bed finishing up some English homework and all of a sudden I got a text message from an old friend apologizing about the past. It was one of the best apologies I have ever gotten. It brought me to tears, honestly. I was shocked for about 45 minutes still in disbelief. I read it about 15 times, and each time, it was like, wow, this is amazing. I accepted his apology, and I hope that things will be better. Here I am, giving another second chance, and I really hope that this is going to be worth it. I really hope. Because I cannot stand to lose another friend right now. I know this will be worth it. I hope this is another new thing to another new year. I'm going to make this post short tonight, because I don't really have anything else to say. I'm very happy right now. =) 

Thursday, January 20, 2011

C.A.L.I.F.O.R.N.I.A Makes Me Happy!


What do you see? I shall describe to you in pure detail. I see the sun setting beneath the horizon in California. I bet the breeze is so warm, you could sit outside all night with a cup of tea. The palm trees sway with every little gust. You could look out your balcony and watch the streetlights turn from red to green to yellow to red. Watch your friends walk the streets to the nearest nightclub to have fun. I would jump into my convertible and drive to the beach. What would you do? Would you take off your flip-flops and let your toes sink into the wet sand? Or would you risk it and just take all your clothes off and go for a dip? This is what I would do. I would proudly sit on the beach, plug in my headphones and listen to a song about California, which is exactly what I'm doing right now. I would pick up a sand-dollar and smile at it. The picture at the right. What do you see? When I spent two weeks in California, I woke up to sunshine and it was already 75 degrees out. Beautiful huh? Taking drives up and down California. From San Francisco to L.A. Any road would pretty much lead you to a beach or two. Another city that I can describe in a thousand words is San Francisco. Spending a day there was absolutely amazing. There might not be as many palm trees, but you know what? It's just as amazing as L.A, maybe better. (Except for the earthquakes haha).  If I never get the chance to live here, I know California will be waiting for me to visit. I belong in Washington, and this is where I stay. I believe that this would make an awesome 
 road trip one day. During the summer when it's hot. You have you, your best friend, your car, and the music. Just drive. I would love the feeling of jumping on I-5 South and just keep going. No one can stop you. You leave the drama behind you. Maybe it would be cool for some of you, to take a picture that inspires you and describe it as if you lived there. It's all about the imagination. God made this for you to use. 
C.A.L.I.F.O.R.N.I.A. makes this girl happy =).

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

You Realize That You're not Trying Hard Enough

      My ex best friend was trying to contact me recently. What for? I have no idea. Why does she even try? I don't bother to take the time to read the text message and/or voice mail. The first text she sent me was "Why do you hate me?" I don't hate you. I hate what you did to me. I don't understand people like this? Why do you think me and you aren't friends? Why do you think I went my own way? To be away from you, to be away from a rude person who ruined everything. She is not trying hard enough and she can't try any harder because I will not be friends with you ever. 
        Well done with my venting. Have you ever had one of those experiences? Where you're just tired of someone? I'm moving on. I'm never looking back. I'm not going to bring people back from the past who hurt me. I like to get up every morning knowing that this day is going to be a good day and nothing is going to ruin that. There is something I always wanted to say and it says, "SCREW YOU," yay, I said it! And if you're reading this, I hope you know that if you ever contact me again, you will never hear back, so stop trying. Thank you! 
     As of now, I love my life. I love the person that I have become. There is something that you should never forget. Love yourself and don't let anyone take you down.  Today is January 19, 2011, and as of this day, I'm letting no one take me down. I hope you like the "new Megan." My heart as been put back together and stronger than ever, and it would take a lot for it to break.  It's 2011 and it's time to be mature and have fun! 

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Second Chances Don't Always Work

I just had a learning experience not too long ago. When I thought I invited another friend in to my life, I didn't know that i would end so fast. I didn't realize what I put myself into and how it would end up. When I thought the friendship was going to be better, it ended up being worse. Looks like I had my first learning experience of the year! I will definitely learn from this one. I mean, I can give second chances, but I have to be careful who I give one to. I wrote a very nice, mature, goodbye letter to this person, and I hope it's for the best. I want this person to know, that this is a very good thing, and that there will be other things in the future in which will be more important or whatnot. I'm giving some advice to some of my best friends and I'm sure you guys know what I'm about to say. Don't give people second chances unless you know for sure it's going to work, otherwise you're going to get a door slammed in your face. As of now, I can really look forward to new things without thinking of looking back. 
I will not look back, I'm faced forward. I am on a new path.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

From Hanging in Parking Lots To Now....

I used to hang out with the best people, until all we did was hang in parking lots and do absolutely nothing. Until I was getting way too much crap from certain people. Until they quit putting effort into friendships.  I was finally done. I was done with how they were treating me, how they thought I was stupid, how I drove, how I did certain things. When I think about all of the good times that we all had, I miss it. I miss how we actually got together and did stuff. I lost a best friend recently. She was an amazing person. Until. She changed. I couldn't believe that she blew me off and making excuses. I finally cut it off. I couldn't handle that anymore. I was putting effort into a friendship that was not going anywhere. I was wasting my time. 
Here I am now. I put myself in school, I'm studying, and I'm doing all that I can. I loved all of my friends, but some of them didn't love me back. That's okay. Because I am a strong person, I could care less about the ex friends. I miss a lot of memories back then, but now, I ask myself, was I wasting my time? Was I wasting my own gas to just go to a parking lot for no reason? The answers to those questions, yes. Yes, I was wasting my time. I could have been doing other things besides those, creative things. 
Now...I am a more mature person, I make better choices, I made new friends, I feel so good about myself. I want to thank all of my friends who made me really think of who my real friends are, and to think about what I want for the future. This is dedicated to the friends who made me realize that there are better and creative things to do besides standing in parking lots doing nothing. Thank you =) 

Monday, January 10, 2011

My Life is Back, Thinking About the Future Much?

I have enjoyed having my life back. I got some friends back, and I've also gained new friends as I took my first steps on SPSCC's campus. I've came across some weird people, but you know what? I am a weird person, we all are weird in a way, so I shouldn't say that. I feel really good about my self right now, knowing I'm in the right place. I missed the feeling of having my homework done, it's a great feeling. 
What matters to me, is that I proved my parents wrong. I was going through a phase in which I didn't know what I was going to do about my college education. And they thought I wasn't going go through with it. Well, I jumped on my rear end, and got myself ready for it. I am now a college girl. I'm proud of the effort I put in, and I'm still fighting to be a better person each and everyday.  I always picture myself in the future. Who I would be? Who would you be? I try not to freak myself out by not thinking about that question a lot.
I catch myself thinking about the future way too much. I can dream, yes, but I know certain things won't come true, and that's okay. A couple of days ago, I was walking through Target and I came across a wall accessory that says "Follow the path your dreams take you." I instantly put it in my basket. Sometimes I don't know if there's a path drawn out for you, but maybe there is. Did God draw it out for you? Who knows. Who knows until I reach my dreams.

Monday, January 3, 2011

My First Day Back...Into Life...The Daily Routine

Today was a great day! I had my first day at SPSCC. I'm a college girl now! Just a couple year's ago, I was just in high school. Time really does fly, doesn't it. Of course the first day, I had homework, it was pretty easy. I have the easiest math class ever! I like it, it's so much better than that crappy pre calculus class I had my senior year! As of right now, I think my daily routines will be so much better. They've been pretty annoying lately. Getting up around 1 pm doesn't cut it for me. 7:30-ish is so much better, and I can always take naps! Right now, I'm sitting in bed drinking a cup of tea. It feels so good to relax and I have one of those Febreze Candles burning, smells so good. I'm not sure if I want to sleep just yet, a little too early. 
 If some of my ex friends knew me now, I'm a totally different person, and they should have known me better. Today, I met some pretty excellent people, and I'm glad to have met them! Oh! And another thing, is that I get to see my best friend more at school, I love having to see people that I haven't seen in such a long time!  

Saturday, January 1, 2011

What I Learned From 2010

Now that it is 2011, I think there are going to be many, many new things to look forward to. I had an amazing New Year's with my best friend since my Sophomore year. We didn't party, we just had a girls night, staying up late watching The Hills and eating pretzels! I almost ate the whole bag. Some things I'm looking forward to this year is getting through my first year at SPSCC. I'm hoping it will be a great experience where I can figure out what I want to do in the future, where I can meet new friends, and maybe other things as well. I can't believe this is it. The last of my long break.  I made the best of it, and enjoyed every minute of sleeping in til noon or even later. I'm really hoping to have a better job by the end of 2011. I just can't believe it's January already. Where did the time go? I've heard that the older you get, the faster time goes. It seems true. A couple of days go, I went to dinner with a friend and talked about what happened in the past. I'm so glad to have this person back in my life. I'm really hoping things will be better and drama free. I hope . I love to watch drama happen, but not when I'm involved. I learned a lot in the year of 2010. I learned who my true friends were, I learned that my parents are not stupid people, I also learned that love does not last forever. When I turned 18, I thought the world revolved around me, and that I can go out and do what I pleased. Well, I was wrong. When you turn 18, that means it's time to be an adult and to learn the responsibilities of an adult. You no longer have fun, unless you are on vacation. I love my parents. They were right about everything. I was wrong. I'm proud of myself, and I hope that 2011 brings me more to learn.